Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
