who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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