Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize