Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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