I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
