Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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