Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
