Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
