you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
As shirtless as possible
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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