Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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