if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
