You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
