$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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