shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
