weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He is an equal opportunity slut.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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