It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
