just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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