On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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