I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
