On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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