I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
