yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The air was thick with penises
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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