You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
