are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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