Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
