she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
