well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
