I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
