don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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