My first STD was from a foam party
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize