i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
