It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
