Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
