She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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