let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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