I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
