i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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