he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
