Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
