I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
