what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
