A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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