Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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