Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
