I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize