Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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