I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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