do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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