He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
