Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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