1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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