i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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