i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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