Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
