Sry I called you an 8
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
