You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Come share oat with me in your robe
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
