Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
