he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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