oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
