Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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