i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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