Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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