why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize