Your face is a jimmy john
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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