The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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