There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
