when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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